Put down the kale and curry tempeh, the "Bacon Shake" is here.

Jack in the Box's new off-menu secret item has popped up in California with frothy disregard for nutritional responsibility. The 1,000-calorie lactose disaster and seemingly kosher nightmare is, however, vegetarian friendly. 

Not a real swine in sight, the synthetic bacon is taste trickery ala flavored syrup mixed with vanilla ice cream, whipped cream, and Valentine ready maraschino cherries. 

Even among self-proclaimed non-food snobs, the beverage has recieved harsh reviews. SFist called the straw n' artery stopper, "horrific," noting a heavy leave behind described as, "lingering bland with a touch of smoke that doesn't go away."

Will you try it? Have you tried it? Tell us all about it in the comments.