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Monrovia is a No "Rent" District

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Funny, Team Off-Ramp was just talking on the way to lunch yesterday about how awful the musical Rent is, and now Monrovia High School's principal has agreed with us and nixed a student performance. According to Monrovia Patch:

School district officials have halted a production of the musical Rent at ?Monrovia High School ?because of subject matter they deemed inappropriate, forcing the school's drama teacher to scramble to find another play for the spring theater season.

Oh, wait. It's not because the story is obvious, the characters are obnoxious, and the music isn't very good. It's because a single member of the student body might be offended:

(MUSD Superintendent Linda) Wagner said in a brief interview with Patch Tuesday that she had concerns about the subject matter that Rent deals with. She said that some students and parents wouldn't be comfortable performing in the play and cited a stripping scene and a prostitute character as her main concerns. ... "I want every child and every parent to find [a play] to be acceptable." 

Okay, Fans of Off-Ramp, let's help out the school district and put on our own play! One that couldnt offend anyone. Please add your nominations in the COMMENTS section below. Meantime, I'll get the ball rolling:

-- Death of a Salesman. Nope. Suicide.

-- Carmen. Smoking.

-- La Boheme. Somebody dies. Might upset someone, if they don't fall asleep before Mimi bites it.

-- Thomas the Tank Engine. Nope. Connection with Ringo Starr (claimed to be "bigger than Jesus") and George Carlin (7 dirty words).

-- Oklahoma! Yes! Perfect! No, wait. There's a stripping scene!

One of the gals was fat and pink and pretty,
As round above as she was round below.
I could swear that she was padded
From her shoulder to her heel,
But latter in the second act
When she began to peel
She proved that ev'rythin' she had was absolutely real!

... Plus, Annie "can't say no" and, of course, Pore Jud Is Daid not only includes a hanging image, but homosexual references, as well:

Curly: Jud Fry loved his feller man
Jud: He loved hes feller man

Reservoir Dogs. Hmm! Could work. No stripping, and no prostitutes.

Any more ideas, folks?

TOTH: LAO