Never mind the emojis: 'Monopoly' welcomes the T-Rex, duck and penguin

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153933 full

First, it was the iron. Then, it was the thimble. Now, Monopoly has kicked two more longtime tokens out of the game.

Step away, boot. Roll yourself away, wheelbarrow.

Hasbro announced today the full results of the public vote that we already knew had voted the thimble off the island (so to speak). They had offered a large collection of potential new tokens, all of which had the chance to displace the existing ones: the hat, the wheelbarrow, the battleship, the dog, the boot, the thimble, the car and the cat that unseated the iron a couple of years ago. (One of the few ways in which a battle between an iron and a cat can end peacefully.) And yes, if your Monopoly dreams involve hauling loads of dirt or you like to pretend your pinky finger is a leg hopping around the board, you are out of luck. No more wheelbarrow or boot.

But much of the hubbub around the new tokens that were up for a vote — all of which will still be available in the zilion-token special edition — surrounded all the newfangled stuff they threw into the mix. You could vote for a smiley-face emoji! Or a cell phone! Or a monster truck! Anything to keep it fresh, even a cell phone token (one that looked like the thing Michael Douglas had in Wall Street, but whatever).

In the end, you know what the new pieces are? A rubber ducky, a penguin, and a T-Rex.

Yes, that's correct: asked to spruce up a game that skeptics might describe as a bit of a dinosaur, people voted for the dinosaur. They could not have rejected the premise any more thoroughly unless they had voted for the sliced bread, which I personally consider the most baffling of the options that were on offer. The T-Rex doesn't really fit in with the other pieces, because he's the only token that sits on a flat plate — he can't stand up himself on his little T-Rex legs. On the other hand, I suspect the people in your game would probably really like it if you stomped your dino around the board making roaring noises and stepping on their hotels. "Wait, what's this railroad I landed on? B and OH HOLY [COW] IT'S A DINOSAUR!"

There's also the rubber duck. I must say, I'm not sure what makes it a rubber duck, as opposed to ... a duck. I mean, to me, if it looks like a duck and ... never mind.

My favorite is the penguin, which is because I think he's the most aesthetically appealing and not only because I enjoy thinking of myself waddling a penguin into jail. That seems like a very Batman thing to do (can you frog-march a penguin?), and I fully plan to yell "You're going down, penguin!" if I ever manage to finish another Monopoly game in my entire life and someone else is the penguin and that person loses. I admit, they're not great odds.

Take a vote, and what do you get? Just a couple of birds and a terrifying bipedal carnivore. Way to go, animal-loving weirdos. And I mean that.

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