May 27, 2008
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County registrars are gearing up for a rush of couples getting married on June 16th. That's the first day that gays and lesbians can legally marry in California. Commentators Annabelle Gurwitch and her husband Jeff Kahn decided to write a letter to two friends who are planning June nuptials.
Annabelle Gurwitch: Dear Michael and David,
Jeff and I heard that you were planning on getting hitched, and we want to be the first in line to congratulate you and bestow upon you the wedding bounty that, up until now, you have been unfairly denied. We've already picked out a Waterford crystal bowl, which will gather dust in your cabinet for years to come.
Jeff Kahn: We hope this is the first step towards enjoying the same rights as us marrieds, but we feel we should let you know that in terms of experiencing any greater degree of happiness by tying the knot... that's another story altogether.
Gurwitch: New research from USC tells us that most couples will likely spend half of their married lives
less happy than they were when they cut that first slice of wedding cake. And it's not about that proverbial seven year itch. The study found the spark fizzles after only
three years.
Kahn: It also turns out that singles now outnumber marrieds in the U.S., with fewer couples reaching that 25-year milestone, all of which suggests that people just aren't willing to settle for being unhappy.
Gurwitch: Luckily, Jeff and I weren't that happy
before we got married, so we've stuck it out for 12 years.
Kahn: We liken the institution of marriage to buying an old house. From the outside, it seems like a good bet. It's got tradition going for it. The foundation looks solid, it's got an endearing charm. But the doors squeak, the upstairs banister comes loose, the pipes are crumbling, and it needs a complete rewire.
Gurwitch: If you stay in it long enough, you'll find out it's got to be completely gutted just to keep the thing from collapsing.
And, by the way, you won't just be taking on a spouse, you'll be adding girth. A study found that young newlyweds gain six to nine pounds more than their single and even co-habitating friends.
Kahn: Plus, not to be too much of a Debbie Downer, but if you heard that marriage makes you live longer and marrieds have less heart disease, it turns out, those things only happen if you're in a
good marriage. A bad marriage actually raises your blood pressure. Annabelle and I had a nasty argument over whether our marriage qualifies as good or bad, and we ended up sleeping in separate rooms for the next week-and-a-half.
Gurwitch: But hey, at least I spoke up, because another study has just concluded that women who remain silent during marital disagreements get terrible heart problems.
So, in the end, if you guys decide not to take those vows, we'll totally understand, but if you do, we wish you good luck, because everyone deserves the right to be married...
Gurwitch & Kahn:... just like us.
Love,
Annabelle and Jeff
