The Loh Life

Hams on Cheese: We Love to Watch-- part 2

Sandra Tsing Loh and Paula Dean.

So I've been TALKING about the mysterious PREPONDERANCE of daytime FOOD shows on the mounted TELEVISIONS at my gym. Is it a CONFLICT of interest?

Especially when the FOOD shows today are ALL about fat.

Take Paula Dean. (Any relation to Jimmy Dean?) There’s no vegetables. It's all nachos with cheese, MAC and cheese, cheeseCAKE. Everything SUPER-rich, Paula DEAN-rich, it's a chubbyfat X Games. "That's three sticks of butter, two cups of sugar, five packages of cream cheese, y'all. Five packages!" I've seen her put fried OYSTERS on a steak, then add HOLLANDAISE! Of course, one must always dip an INDEX finger IN to the sauce and lick for the close-up.

ANOTHER stock food show shot appears to be biting into a pizza slice--and then, with hand SLOWLY pulling slice away from teeth, stretching out a few SWEATY, delectable STRANDS--of ecstatically melted cheese. An especially skilled PRACTIONER of this is Big Daddy, of the cooking show Big Daddy's HOUSE.

I have to say as a divorced middle-aged woman, I find my VISITS to Big Daddy’s house very comforting. I love the stuff Big Daddy cooks up for me, and his relaxed Levi's for Men-sized serving portions, with just a skosh more cheese. None of "that protein the size of a deck of CARDS" rubbish-- What a crock! Who NEEDS it? There are ONLY 52 cards in a deck and, in case you HAVEN'T noticed, cards are quite flat.

One dish I PARTICULARLY enjoyed was Big Daddy's amped-up eggs benedict. I love the CHUTZPAH. Who amongst us over the age of 35 should be contemplating REGULAR eggs benedict, let alone amped-up ones? But no. Big Daddy INSISTED on cutting INTO an entire CHUB of bacon, taking sourdough bread and maybe FRYING it? And "Now I'M going to take three KINDS of cheese and make a Bechamel!"

Explanatory caption floating across BOTTOM of screen: "Bechamel. A creamy white sauce."
Then there was some GUY who runs around the country trying to finish what I call COMPETITION food. Some DINER on Long Island which serves like a monster TRUCK burger stacked with 16 patties, 16 slices of cheese. . . 16 slices of bacon.

At my gym, the Pasadena EQUINOX, full of tendony forty- and fiftysomething professionals struggling ever forward on our Ellipticals and bikes—and, of course, Smart Water is too many calories for us, -- We were all watching this guy eat and breathing together, in unison, "Oh my God." It was like an episode of "When Hamburgers Attack."

Think of it as our very ownmiddle-aged "Meals on Wheels."


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