The Loh Life

The "me" phone: viral-- part 1

Sandra Tsing Loh and the "PC vs. Mac" dilemma.

Let’s not even get INTO the chronic, UNRESOLVABLE argument of PC versus MAC and-- Well okay-- Let’s get INTO it, JUST a little bit.

The THING with MAC people is that they JUST won’t LET PC people be. It’s like a RELIGION with them-- An EXTREMIST religion. They are completely INTOLERANT of anything NOT MAC, of anyone using an INTERFACE that has ANY bit of CLUNK to it-- Perhaps a few errant LINES of stray DOS code, jumping RUDELY on to a sudden robotic black screen--"Hard disk REBOOT! Hard disk REBOOT!"--

I MYSELF think it’s GOOD to be occasionally REMINDED, in the way only an PC can, of what the humble INNARDS of a computer actually ARE. To ME, a computer is not a person, not a feeling, not an UPLIFTING cultural MOVEMENT, it’s not a paradigm shift, it is a machine--

But no. MACophiles are constantly INSISTING that we UPGRADE to, like. . . an IPAD, or an ITOUCH-- Where--just using your fingers in a PINCHING motion on a screen with a soothing-voiced AVATAR or smiling APPLE face--you can KINDLE and GAME and download MOVIES and stream a Pandora’s BOX of ever-changing ITUNES.

And I’m going, "I’m a WRITER. I WRITE for a living--that‘s WORDS on a blank PAGE. I don’t need ANY more distractions. I ALREADY have WAY too many features with four-deck SOLITAIRE, which is THREE decks too many. I’m SUCH a PROCRASTINATOR I need a computer that’s dumb as a ROCK-- One that CAN’T even understand EMAIL-- I should REALLY just be working on a TYPEWRITER."

So what I DO every five YEARS is go to STAPLES and spend 400 bucks on the CHEAPEST on-sale laptop. It’s TYPICALLY a Toshiba SATELLITE-- It’s SOMETIMES a smeary FLOOR model-- It USUALLY has last year’s WINDOWS, and an UNUSUALLY garish SCREEN saver of iridescent turquoise FISH drifting past a tiny CASTLE that says TOSHIBA! It’s not DISSIMILAR to a SOLDIER getting ALMOST new SUPPLIES from the Czechoslovakian army.

The laptop I use even NOW has a SECURITY fingerprint READER I’ve literally never used-- IT’S not really convinced of it either-- It’s just a NOTION the laptop vaguely SUGGESTS, via a gummy STICKER on the keyboard--

The result BEING that by NOW, the THREE Toshiba laptops I’ve ACCRUED over the past decade have so many VIRUSES Charter LITERALLY keeps cutting off our service.

Thanks in NO small part to my daughters pecking AWAY at Internet GAMES like rabid little squirrels, our house is RADIATING--just SEEPING, SUPPURATING--so much SPAM we are threatening to take out the SIGNAL of the entire NEIGHBORHOOD. Causing even ME to wonder: Was it TIME, finally, to become a MAC person? The answer next week.


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