The Loh Life

The "ME" Phone: I-fog--part 3

Sandra Tsing Loh contemplates crossing over to the "Apple" side.

Don’t get me wrong. I think the passing of Steve Jobs is SAD and a major MILESTONE in American business history. But--not to be a MICRO-SCOFFER--Steve Jobs DID not ACTUALLY invent the telephone, the computer, color TV, or music.

Listening to some bereaved APPLE users, you’d think that BEFORE Steve Jobs came along we were banging stones with sticks and there was NO such thing as MOVIES. I think for a moment, it behooves us to pause to consider, well, how confused some Apple USERS truly can BE.

Take the public radio CONFERENCE I went to recently. An independent PRODUCER was giving out BUSINESS cards that had one of those thumbprint THINGEES on it where you can instantly SCAN in his WEB address. A knot of curious ADULTS started to vaguely WAVE their IPHONES at the card, as though they were DIVINING RODS -- "It doesn’t WORK," announces one twentysomething with a pierced nose.

The producer shrugs his shoulders, and admits: "I THINK the cards got screwed UP at the printers. I’ve NEVER gotten it to go." "You need to download an APP," says pierced-nose. "You DO?" he says, surprised. "I had no idea!"

Never mind the THREAT of global TERRORISM. How many TIMES have you been WAITING to take off in a plane and your SEATMATE starts PANICKING because she realizes she CAN’T turn off her electronic DEVICE.

In my case, my friend CAROLINE had just DROPPED her IPHONE into her daughter’s AQUARIUM-- Duct-taped TOGETHER, it still WORKED, even though its FACE was cracked-- Caroline had been MEANING to replace it but of course APPLE users are always WAITING until the end of the MONTH when their Verizon REBATE will get them $100 OFF the NEW IPHONE-- And it’s only in THIS moment that she realizes the power switch is BENT and won’t turn off--! And now--because life is cheap--our plane is going to CRASH because of a hundred dollar IPHONE REBATE!

By contrast, Microsoft stuff is SIMPLE. When my 10-year-old PC LAPTOP with 14 years of Quicken FINANCIAL records on it crashed recently -- Hard drive "error"-- I figured, no Genius Bar needed. I just reached out to the nerdy denizens of my Toshiba online HELP thread. And they did not disappoint. Their advice? Literally HIT the PC. Hard. Once sharply from the right, twice from the left-- Or, WHILE rebooting, press down FIRMLY on the two front corners--

"Oh my God!" I exclaimed. "It WORKS! It’s booting up!"

Sort of. But then not. And then my 10-year-old Motorola CELLPHONE refused to recharge.
Was it time for an iPhone? Never mind Beatles ITUNES, IPHONES have that SIGALERT app.

And I TOO held a hundred-dollar Verizon REBATE check. In honor of Steve Jobs, should I FINALLY succumb?

Next week: I take the I-plunge.


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