The Loh Life is writer/performer Sandra Tsing Loh's weekly take on life, family, and pop culture in early 21st century Southern California.
Hosted by Sandra Tsing Loh
Airs Mondays during Morning Edition and All Things Considered

Gentlemen Robbers: the hit-- part 1

Sandra Tsing Loh's home gets burglarized.

Just when I thought I had made it OUT of the holiday season, a final blow – we were robbed.

I had the sort of Christmas where afterwords I didn't just take my tree to the curb, I tied it up, put a blindfold on it and shot it execution style. We had had about 20 relatives over for what seemed like a month.

The mad festivities and dark undercurrents of emotion were handled with a few too many--as they say in the carol--"cups of cheer." My partner Charles and I had JUST walked in the door after a FESTIVE early January bout of emergency couple's therapy, and were sitting down to a grim silent dinner of wildly overpriced and yet surprisingly uninviting Whole Foods salad bar selections.

“Let me check my e-mail first,” I said. But my hand clawed empty space over my desk and I heard myself wondering aloud:

"Where is my laptop?"

As it turned out, Charles' laptop was missing too, as well as two 10-year-old IPODS and a coin jar containing twenty-five dollars in change-- A downstairs window was atypically open, curtain blowing. . . The end to a perfect day.

The first rush to judgment was that this burglary was some sort of karmic RETRIBUTION for our discord. I was ready to believe this, since we had just learned via therapy that I am an emotionally NEEDY and obsessively CONTROLLING person with unresolved abandonment ISSUES, who will always bring more misery UPON myself as I keep recycling old self-destructive PATTERNS. Apparently it is I who control the flow of CRIME in Los Angeles. I'm sorry if you too were burgled recently; I'm trying to WORK on my issues.

The SECOND possible explanation came from two friendly POLICE officers. They said there had been a bunch of OTHER post-holiday robberies in the area, where Christmas X-Boxes make for easy PICKINGS.

They noted that we have a big old house, with a lackadaisical attention to CURTAINS, no security system, wobbly wooden windows, easily jimmied—It appeared to be a DRUG thing, an UNPREMEDITATED grab and go, just to get DRUG money for the NIGHT--

And then there was our THIRD set of responses, a big surprise, which took another entire PAGE of the police blotter. More on that next week!