The Loh Life

A pitch for a new website

Sandra Tsing Loh comes up with a name for a new website.

I admit that there is MUCH I DO not understand about all of today’s various interrelated WORLDS of media and news and art and the Internet and even space exploration-- As in, why is Jeff Bezos, the founder of Amazon.com -- which sells books -- building rockets? Why?

I’m not as confused, though, as my friend Diane, who the other WEEK was ENTHUSING about her favorite public radio weekend QUIZ show. After listening to her CAREFULLY, I realized it was a show that exists only in Diane’s MIND, a magical conflation of “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me” and “Says You” that she refers to as “Oh No You Didn’t!” As in, “That funny show on NPR—‘Oh No You Didn’t!’”

She had just come back, coincidentally, from a blind lunch date. What did THAT entail-- Black out tape over the salad bar SNEEZE guard, menus in Braille, both people’s seeing eye dogs becoming SOMEWHAT better acquainted? No, no, no, Diane explained, they had met downtown at Yang Chow and ordered her favorite dish, what she called “10,000 Calorie Shrimp.”

And yet, weirdly, there was just ENOUGH random information in my week that by Saturday MORNING it was all STARTING to make sense. I was streaming PANDORA on my I-Touch-- Pandora, in case you don’t know, is the free MUSIC service where you can customize your own RADIO station—which also CUSTOMIZES, as a by-product, its own ad stream. “Antonio Jobim” seems to generate ads for Jeep Cherokee and grocery savings for my whole family, “Franz Shubert” triggers ads for Christian singles, and the dreaded phrase “solo classical piano music”? Depression medication. That’s right, people--good to know.

I was reading, in the paper, that Edvard Munch’s “The Scream” sold for $120 million, that there’s a mania for cake pops, and that British lawmakers had concluded that Rupert Murdoch is quote unquote “unfit to be a news titan.” I was ALSO reading about how a raft of YOUTHFUL Facebook founders were ABOUT to become billionaires when the stock went public--

And then it came to me. My own BRILLIANT Internet pitch!

It fell out of the sky. It’s so obvious. The domain name was miraculously open, bought it for 25 bucks, it’s MINE now.

And here it is, potential investors! It is a marriage of two monster brands. Elevator pitch. Okay? Here we go. Doors closing. You’ve heard of Wikipedia. And you’ve heard of Whoopi Goldberg.

Put ‘em together? Whoopikedia!

It’s Wikipedia entries as written by Whoopi Goldberg. It’d be all: Girlfriend? Uranium? That’s atomic number 92. 92 protons and 92 electrons—that’s the way it WORKS dog, you know? Whoopikedia!
All I need is $50 million. And maybe some cake pops. At which point you can say, “Oh No You Didn’t!”


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