The Loh Life

Menopalooza, Part Four: Hole!

Sandra Tsing Loh can't believe Courtney Love is approaching "that age."

So, I’ve been talking about menopause - a state I’m approaching - which is traditionally oh so un-glamorous, oh so un-sexy... It’s a thing no one wants to talk about—but my point is this.

Today, women between the ages of 44 and 65 have become America’s biggest demographic group. We are poised to become the largest SWARM of menopausal WOMEN in history.

And, by and large, this is not going to BE your grandmother’s menopause. This is not going to be your grey-haired Aunt Edna in a shower cap with a moustache saying, “Oy, I’m schvitzing.”

Especially because MY aunts are Chinese, but never mind.

This revelation CAME to me last year when, standing at the grocery line, I took my monthly sneak peek at VANITY FAIR, where I was drawn to a piece on grunge rocker Courtney Love. Startling ENOUGH was Love’s retirement scheme—marrying British royalty, drinking Pimm’s Cup, going on fox hunts. Even more surprising to ME, though, was the revelation that the mood-swingy wife of the LATE Kurt Cobain WILL SOON TURN 50!

Oh my God. This country has aged so much even Gen X’ers are going through The Change. We’re talking ready, set, MENOPALOOZA!

Then again, question! Is Courtney Love IN Menopause going to be really so very different from Courtney Love NOT in Menopause? Perhaps Courtney Love has always been in Menopause. Perhaps her formation of the band HOLE signaled the onset of EARLY Menopause, EVER THOUGHT OF THAT?

Think of America’s very near future then—almost 50 million Courtney Loves running around America making a very giant Hole, and not just in the ozone layer!

Menopause is no longer about your schvitzing great aunt suddenly hurling a leg of lamb out the window at the family dinner. Never mind that nobody has cooked a leg of lamb in years. Think of the ladies who are entering or who are in menopause. Madonna. Demi Moore. Oprah. Suze Orman—that’s why she’s so angry, the big teeth. Katie Couric. Kathi Lee Gifford. Your Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton. Sarah Palin! With whom, I recently realized with a start, I share a birthday!

The point being, even in your daily life, you have no idea WHO is Menopausal. Especially in Los Angeles, 50-year-old women often don’t look 50. No, what with the botox, Pilates, and God knows what else, a menopausal woman may look like a 34-year-old who’s had a FEW bad nights of sleep and who might tear your head off in the checkout line because she has not had a carb since 1997!

Talk about a heat wave—it’s coming!

In the meantime, the smart money says, invest in chocolate!


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