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Off-Ramp hands out final Oscar … for “Best Meat Product Rendition of a Movie Character”

Our Oscar-watching party was more fun than yours, and not just because of the cocktail wieners I brought, or David Othenin-Girard’s impeccable wine picks. But because his girlfriend Vember Stuart-Lilley’s mom e-mailed her a series of pictures that sent milk through all our noses … and we weren’t even drinking milk.

First, here’s Laura "James Cameron's got nothin' on me" Staurt-Lilley, in her kitchen.

Now before you look at the next picture, you need to know that Laura lives in Ohio; and in Ohio, Michigan, Wisconsin, Minnesota, and perhaps Indiana and parts of Illinois, people treat meatloaf like topiary. It probably has something to do with long winters and a lack of cable TV.

So, now, if you’re holding an Oscar party, you need to have Oscar-themed food. Hence:

It’s a male Na’vi, from James Cameron’s “Avatar, the Last Bigspender:” How do I know it’s male?

Because THIS is the female. (Note the creative use of potatoes.)

Total special effects budget, $13.57, including baking pans. Top that, Jimmy.

(Check out John's weekly show Off-Ramp.)