Yes. Yes. This is not real news. But we'll get back to that in a bit.
First: An Internet mystery.
During Thursday night's Alabama vs. Ohio State playoff game, ESPN showed video of a young woman seemingly consoling a young man sitting next to her by running her hands through his hair.
Then, suddenly, she realizes something. Watch the video:
The video raises all kinds of possibilities and, the Internet being the Internet, is positing all kinds of scenarios. Jezebel posits the obvious: "Did This OSU Fan Get Caught On Live TV With Her Sidepiece?"
"Was she trying to pickpocket the guy in the black shirt? Is she just camera shy? Why are so many people so obsessed with this video today? How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?"
And, of course, Redditors are now trying to unravel the mystery in a long thread. Our favorite possibility is brought forth by "SweaterBuddy" who wonders if it's just perfect timing:
"That IS her boyfriend, but she just realized she forgot to turn the oven off. It's still at 350 degrees after cooking that pizza before the big game. Now it's a matter of worrying [whether] the house will burn down. Can an oven left on at 350 burn the place down? Surely not... but maybe?"
Gawker says the couple in said video are an item. Still a lot of mystery though.
We'll leave it at that.