In an alternate universe, one where you slip an Ambien into your racist, alcoholic uncle's Old Milwaukee and "accidentally" spill gravy on the sister-in-law who makes snide comments about your turkey, Tish Caddigan and Cord Hosenbeck would be the official hosts of the Rose Parade.
That may be a better universe but it's not the one we live in.
Tish Caddigan and Cord Hosenbeck are (only) characters invented by Molly Shannon and Will Ferrell. They will, however, be hosting a live stream of the Rose Parade on New Year's Day.
How can this be? Because no network has exclusive TV rights to the event, Amazon can broadcast the event just like any other outlet — and hire fictitious personalities to host their broadcast.
"The 2018 Rose Parade Hosted by Cord & Tish" will stream live on Amazon Prime Video on Monday, January 1, 2018 at 8:00am PT.
Shannon and Ferrell, who were "Saturday Night Live" castmates for six years, will be improvising parade commentary during the broadcast.
You can now return to your Thanksgiving schedule of drinking miniature bottles of whiskey on the floor of your walk-in shower while your mother-in-law offers choking hazards to your 13-month-old.