The Loh Life is writer/performer Sandra Tsing Loh's weekly take on life, family, and pop culture in early 21st century Southern California.
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The $50 million idea

Sandra Tsing Loh continues to cultivate the thinking behind Whoopikedia.

TRYING to keep UP with the news is a full-time job. Some NEWS sources are like the Bermuda Triangle. Take the Sunday New York Times: people OPEN it and often are never seen again. Just like Whole Foods basically has an 80 dollar COVER, the Sunday Times takes a minimum of three hours -- and even THEN, instead of having CLARITY one is even more BEWILDERED. Take the recent Sunday STYLE section FEATURE on Princess Caroline of Monaco’s daughter, whose name I cannot remember. Apparently she is the new face of GUCCI, but does not consider herself a MODEL because, as insiders reveal, she is far too INTELLIGENT. Thing is, she wants to keep her DAY job because of her lifelong passion for SHOW jumping, which can be expensive, what with a horse having to show up ONE day in Dubai and the NEXT in Spain. I found myself actually nodding at the wisdom of this, as I drank my coffee, and then I CAUGHT myself and thought WHY ARE YOU READING THIS?

In the meantime, every day for the last MONTH it’s been facebook facebook facebook. What with the Internet CRAZES and the 30-year-old overnight billionaires, the world of BUSINESS has become entirely outlandish -- so outlandish that even I came up with a rather, CREATIVE idea. It’s my 50-million-dollar idea — the one I shared with you last week. To wit: “Elevator pitch: It’s a marriage of two killer brands: Wikipedia and Whoopi Goldberg. Put ‘em together: Whoopikedia. Think Wikipedia entries as written by Whoopi Goldberg, a la: “Girlfriend? It’s called CADMIUM, atomic number 38. It’s I want to say like some kind of ELEMENT.”

I decided to share my idea with my fellow working MOTHER friend Liz, whose daughter goes to the same school as mine. Liz often STANDS with me in the parking lot, and we amuse ourselves by having NONSENSICAL conversations. Once I told her about Whoopikedia, and inspired by Mark Zuckerberg, Elon Musk, and their ilk, we were off and running to the imaginary races.

“Of course our Whoopikedia IPO the other week,” says Liz. “I don’t want to say disappointing.”

“No no no,” I say. “We DID make money, but instead of billionaires we’re more like thousandaires. Or hundredaires.”

“We did manage to launch our rocket, though,” she says.

“Sure,” I say. “ We’ve moved from a national space program to private space exploration to personal space exploration.”

“Rocketry: this time it’s personal.”

“Because of Whoopikedia’s SOMEWHAT soft IPO,though I think it’s fair to say it was a much SMALLER rocket than we envisioned. Like hip high. Girlfriend One.”

“It achieved not QUITE a low earth orbit but rather what we call a PRETTY LOW earth orbit, FAIRLY low—“

“It hit a hamster in the knee.”

“With 90% accuracy, though!”

And then the bell rang and our children emerged so we stopped our 3-D virtual faux-skyping. But NEXT time!